My boobs are failures. Underachievers. Matilda has been chewing on them for a week now. No, I mean a week, STRAIGHT. As soon as she pops herself off, she wants to get right back on and let me tell you something. Nursing 23 hours a day IS NOT A GOOD TIME. Today, finally, we did three things. 1) Niclas went out and got me some fenugreek pills to up my milk production. 2) We gave Matilda a bottle. Of formula. And SHUT UP I know that was the right thing to do because she sucked it down like I'd like to suck down a martini. The poor thing was STARVING and my boobs were not filling her up. Obviously. (However, being full of formula has in no way curbed her desire to nurse off of me. Hello, human pacifier.) 3) I tried to pump. And proved my theory right (boobs are empty) as the pumping got me nothing, save a dribble. And after about 3 minutes, the dribble stopped. I am RUNNING ON EMPTY. Also, really hoping these pills pump me up, because Matilda is three weeks old tomorrow and I'm not prepared to stop breastfeeding her at such an early age.
I feel like such a failure. I was sure breastfeeding was going to be a snap. It never occurred to me that I'd hit a snag or have a baby that would quite literally suck me dry. Or that I'd want to give her a bottle because I was thisclose to bursting into tears. It's not like I never had milk, it's just that her appetite picked up way before my boobs could keep up. So now I'm playing catch-up to a 3-week-old newborn that weighs anywhere from 6 to 7 pounds, according to our highly unscientific bathroom scale weigh-ins.
I'm also totally unfunny and dead in the eyes. Three weeks is apparently the time-frame for me to hit the sleep deprivation wall. Matilda was crying earlier. I picked her up and brought her face up to mine and mimiced her cry back at her. It quieted her right down because she's dead in the eyes as well. She's as sleep deprived as I am, what with the all day all night eating.
