The Parental Learning Curve learned us real quick that it's imperative to pack a clean outfit in the diaper bag when preparing to leave the house with the baby. At home, Matilda manages to crap outside the confines of her diaper about once a week. When it happens at home, the offending squirt will be the smallest of mustard stains on the back of her outfit. The second we leave the house, perhaps from the force of her screams, she shits all over herself.
At the wedding reception of a co-worker, girlfriend crapped up the front of her diaper. Took her to Somerville and she peed all over herself, me, the travel changing pad and the couch under it the second I removed her diaper. In the car on the way to my parent's house, she went straight through three layers. Today we drove her to Marblehead to take a walk with my mother while Niclas got a haircut. We slapped a clean diaper on her before we left the house and in the time it took to travel the three miles to Marblehead, Matilda stunk up the place and destroyed one of the two layers she was wearing.
The truth is she shat on both layers, but I failed to pack a clean outfit under the false sense of security that Marblehead is not far enough from the house to count.
She wore a slightly mustard stained outfit all afternoon. She wore it as she screamed in the parking lot of the hair salon before I managed to shove a nipple into her maw. She wore it as she screamed her way down the street and through the deli and the pricey shops. She screamed in it as we put her back in the car and drove out of Marblehead.
Later, she wore it as she screamed up and down the aisles of Zimman's. She wore it as she finally, blissfully, SILENTLY slept in my arms and out of the Baby Bjorn up and down the aisles of Zimman's. She was still wearing it as she screamed all the way home. She was screaming in it at home right up until the hair dryer air hit her kicking chicken legs.
Then she wasn't wearing it. The second the hair dryer shut off, you can bet she continued the screaming.
She broke my spirit a little today, folks.
