Atomic Tonic

Parenthood with a two-year old and a five-week old is like an on/off switch you have no control over. It's ON at 6am when the toddler starts barking orders -- "get up" "downstairs" "want to eat" -- and the baby realizes I'm no longer lying next to her. She wants to nurse and the toddler wants pancakes and then cereal and then yogurt. She drops two pieces of pancake on the floor, directly out of her mouth, won't touch the cereal as soon as I add milk and spills the entire container of yogurt down the leg of her chair and onto the rug. It's ON when I say shit and the toddler says shit. Shit shit shit and the baby is mad. Yelling from the swing because that was not in her plan. It's OFF when Niclas gets up and eats breakfast with the toddler who finally eats and the baby is satisfied and sleepy enough to lounge in her bouncy chair while I take a shower.

It's ON and both kids are screaming. The toddler needs pants but loses it if you try to take her crocs off to put the pants on and the newborn is really pissed that she's currently in the carseat and not being held and how dare you. It's OFF and the toddler is napping in her bed and the newborn is conked out in the swing and you've got two hands free and no one yelling at you. You have time to fold laundry. It's ON and they both wake up at the same time. They're both hungry. So are you. The toddler won't eat, just ask to eat. The baby will eat but she grunts if you walk around too much. She wants you to sit down, stop moving, knock it off already. The toddler wants you to get up. It's ON with a dimmer when the baby will nurse in the pouch and the toddler will help cook dinner.

It's OFF and the toddler is at daycare and the baby has been sleeping for three hours in her carseat. You have time to pin up a few more Taggies for all the friends about to have kids, more kids. We're populating the earth with all these kids and all these kids need Taggies.

It's ON and the toddler is home demanding to eat as she didn't eat at daycare and the baby is ready to nurse for four hours straight. An hour into that, the toddler needs a bath. She's recently decided she hates baths unless one of us gets in with her. If I get in with her, the baby screams in Niclas' arms because she was not done nursing. If Niclas gets in the bath, it's ON for him but I get to sit on the couch with the baby and then it's ON with a dimmer.

When it's OFF I think I can handle it. When it's ON I can't imagine how it is when it's OFF.