Atomic Tonic

I'll forget the faces Linnea makes when she's nursing. I'll forget how her legs dangle over my side and she kicks them out like she's starting her engine. I'll forget that she raises one eyebrow when I interrupt her dinner to talk to her. I'll forget how she waves her fists like she's knocking on a door.

I'll forget but I don't want to.

I'll forget how she rolls her head back and to the side when she stretches her back and how she kneads my stomach and the tops of my thighs with her feet when we're lying in bed. I'll forget how outrageous her smiles are. How easily they come to her. I'll forget the weight of her. I'll forget the cry she makes when she's really hungry and hears my voice. I'll forget how much it sounds like she's being stuck with a pin. How it sounds like she's in so much pain. How did she learn such a noise?

I'll forget that Matilda has been reading books to us at night. That she repeats after me "I know a rhino. We like to take tea. I have two sugars," "...two sugars," and she holds up two fingers, "and rhino takes three." "...takes three." I'll forget that she tells me she only wants two. I'll forget that she holds up the book she's reading so I can see the pictures and how she sneaks the word "libary" onto most pages. I'll forget that she wants to "take Naya" all the time. That she wants to burp her. I'll forget that she's been running around the house eating peanut butter and jelly sandwiches this week and she wants to watch E.T. - "E.T. go home" - and I'll forget that this is the week she really figured out how to get her clothes on herself. Underpants, tops, pants.

I'll forget but I don't want to.

I'll forget how she puts her "baby Ida" between her legs so she can jump on her trampoline using both hands to hold on. I'll forget how she's been using wet wipes to clean up. Her face and the couch and the tub and how she holds her palm at the edge of the tub so she can catch what the wet wipe brushes off. I'll forget that she wants to bring the wet wipe to bed, along with "baby Ida" and two books and the baby monitor. I'll forget that she needs chapstick and to drink water before she can sleep and she needs to get both "all by self."

I'll forget but I don't want to.