Atomic Tonic

I won't forget that our first night home with our first newborn was terrifying. I won't forget that we had no idea what to do and were so lost that we called the pediatrician in the middle of the night. I won't forget that he sounded very tired. That he was very patient with us. That he made me feel better and then a little crazy for feeling like we needed to call him in the first place.

I won't forget that Matilda screamed for four months. That she hated her carseat with the fire of a thousand suns and mearly waving her bottom over it was enough to send her into spasms of red-faced hatred. I won't forget that she screamed loud enough to shatter glass everytime we put her in it and the only thing funny about it was going under overpasses as the shadows they cast made her open her eyes so wide we thought they'd pop right out of her head. Every single time.

I won't forget that Linnea does not hate her carseat. That she naps in it even when we're not in the car. I won't forget that she's an easier baby. I won't forget that the second time, the sleeping is easier and so is the sleep deprivation.

I won't forget that the first time, breastfeeding was scary and the closest thing to jumping out of a plane I'd ever done. It was a leap of faith. I hit ground pretty hard. I won't forget that the first time, for the first 4 months, breastfeeding broke me. The second time, breastfeeding put me back together. I will forget what it feels like to nurse one of my babies, but I won't forget that it was good. That it was worth it. That I'm glad I stuck it out.