On Monday Linnea turned three months old. I haven't been writing about her much because it's hard to put into words how one falls in love with an infant.
She's telling stories all the time now. Chewing on her hands. Is thisclose to finding her thumb. Her hair is coming in a little. It's whispy blond. She laughs when we tickle her. Go nuts when Niclas and I put our heads together over hers. Looks from one set of eyes to the other, over and over again. Slaps herself on her sides with her arms. Pushes off with her feet. Grabs my shirt or hair when she's nursing. Snorts and grunts and man, the child can pass some gas.
I can pretty much guarantee a morning nap out of her, nursed to sleep and wedged into her carseat. Then she's sort of...up for the day. Catnaps on me but tends to wake up with The Anger if I put her down to sleep by herself. By 3 she's pretty well exhausted and cranky. By 3 I need to start dinner. So that's fun. She'll sometimes sit on Niclas' lap for dinner but she just STARES at me so I usually end up feeding her while we all feed ourselves. Then it's a mad dash to clean up dinner, clean up myself and get Matilda upstairs for her bath with Niclas before Linnea loses the plot and sets the house on fire with her angry, angry screams. Then we settle in for an hour or so of nursing before I can sneak her upstairs to bed.
I had a dream about her a few nights ago as she lay asleep next to me. She was wedged into her Boppy Pillow, head and feet in the air. I dreamt that I kissed her. Her head and face and the back of her vulnerable wee neck. Her long lean fingers and her chunky little thighs. Each of her toes which look exactly like mine.
And that was it. The whole dream. Just kissed her little body which is what I do all day when she's awake. Apparently I didn't get enough in that day.
Some nights I go to bed earlier than necessary so I can listen to her and rub her fuzzy head. Last night I pulled her blanket up so I could see her feet one more time before I lay down. I hug her to me and breathe in her smell every night when she wakes up hungry and I move her out of the Boppy. She's a pretty good reason to be tired.
