Atomic Tonic

Matilda has some serious bed-head today. As Niclas pointed out, it only makes sense as she spends so much time lying around. She also feels heavier in my arms, but seeing as how she's always in my arms, maybe that's just because my arms are getting tired.

Her eyelashes are longer today than they were yesterday, and yesterday they were longer than they were the day before. She's already discovered her hands and enjoys sucking on them. Twice I've caught her sucking on her thumb. She's very advanced for her age.

Everyday, she spends more time being alert. She loves to stretch rattle and roll. She grunts like a frat boy and punches the air. Also, makes her mouth a perfect O for any number of reasons. Niclas and I always respond by mimicing her expression. It's impossible not to.

Her Moro Reflexes are hilarious. Hands up and out! Eyes wide! It's like she's saying "WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?"

We started discussing her poop at length before we even left the hospital with her. Last night, after Niclas changed her diaper while I took a minute to brush my teeth, he asked me if I wanted to see it before he threw it away. I did, actually. Nugget of truth: Everyone says newborn poop does not smell. This is not technically true. It does smell, it's just not that bad. But if she's got a dirty diaper, you can bet I can tell without having to take it off.

On Sunday, with the help of my mother, I made a double batch of skor bar candy and Niclas, Matilda and I walked it over to the hospital to deliver it to the nurses who helped deliver Matilda. Unfortunatly, the woman behind the glass at the L&D ward in the pink scrubs and black eye make-up was not someone we met while there. She did not seem to think Niclas' joke was funny, ("We'd like to return this one?") and was visibly unsettled by the BAG OF CANDY I handed to her. Here's hoping it, along with the note explaining who it was from, made it to the staff and not the dumpster.

skor bar

1 cup sugar
1 cup butter
3 tbsp. water
handful of chopped almonds
chocolate chips
powered almonds for topping

Combine sugar, butter, water and chopped almonds in a heavy pot. Insert candy thermometer into mixture (making sure it doesn’t touch bottom of pot). Stir constantly with a wooden spoon over medium heat until it reaches 300 degrees (About 20 minutes). Pour out onto cookie sheet and spread thin with wooden spoon. Drop chocolate chips over candy and spread out as they melt. Sprinkle top with almond dust.

Last night, my dreams were filled with chocolate cake and lovely chocolate cookies and I woke up thinking it’s a good thing dream calories don’t count. I made it till 7PM before breaking down and baking a chocolate cake. These calories will count, I know. But I deserve it. It’s been 48 hours since I’ve seen an episode of Law & Order. My mother broke our TV on Saturday (well, she was the last one to touch it), and we’ve been unable to flip through our Tivoed collection of L&O that backs up like a bar toilet in search of just one we haven’t seen before.

We’ll select an episode of Law & Order and get 10 minutes into it before one of us will say, “We’ve seen this, it was the husband.” And the other one will sheepishly admit that they recognized it 5 minutes ago but didn’t want to say anything because MY GOD WE’VE SEEN THEM ALL. But now it’s been 48 hours and I want to see 10 minutes of an episode I’ve seen before. Instead I’m eating chocolate cake while Matilda alternates between sleeping and crying in her swing and she might be on the other side of the room, but I CAN HEAR HER FART FROM HERE.

Sort of except I'm knee-deep into my annual Ornament Exchange the rules of which demand that ornaments be in the mail by Thanskgiving which is so not going to happen this year. (This year I'm required to make 20 ornaments, 21 if I want one to keep. And I want one to keep. And the ornaments this year, they were not easy to dream up and turns out, they are time-consuming to create and the green needed to be re-done and I'm just now taking a break over a small knot I'm mad at and that knot is on Ornament #2 so the math here means I still have 19 1/2 ornaments to make so WHY AM I WASTING TIME POSTING HERE?)

Because yesterday when I tried, again, after weeks of getting no response, to post something and it worked! Lookit that it worked! It felt like a dam in my chest had given way and I was finally free to consider all the things I could be saying about Matilda. Like for example, the fact that Heath Ledger and his girlfriend had a girl and named her Matilda Rose and ARE YOU KIDDING ME?? But at least Matilda was born and named first and don't you forget it.

...Stuff like that except that's not really a story but an invitation for someone to go smack Heath upside the head. Thanks. I've got to get back to my ornaments but before I do, I just wanted to point out that thanks to our new camera phones, we can now take and post with thumb-wielding ease 10-second videos of Matilda. They can be found here and also to the right over there. (Video Albums)

Right here I'd love to post a picture of the ornaments I made this year (24 sets! So 48 in total! I. Am a little crazy.) but I can't because people haven't gotten them yet and I don't want to ruin the slack-jawed confusion. So! Instead I will talk about Matilda. And post links to videos taken this very morning. She wasn't that interested in breakfast but I was. So I ate while she crawled over to the living room and destroyed a box of Kleenex. She doesn't eat the paper every time now, so that's good. You know for me as I had my back turned until about halfway through the box.

So, Thanksgiving weekend was fun. Three traditional turkey dinners in 24 hours. One turkey roasted at home for leftovers, lots of house visits, a whole mess of kids,



a new hat (Thanks Eva! We love it! She doesn't rip if off her head!)



and Matilda's fist trip to IKEA and thus, her first taste of swedish meatballs.



(We didn't need anything and yes it's an hour away and yes it was Thanksgiving Weekend THE BUSIEST SHOPPING WEEKEND OF THE YEAR. But Niclas had a hankering for meatballs and a D'aim torte. Serious. So! Off to IKEA and bee-line to the cafeteria. Then a wander about the store to pick up some bottom-of-the-tree ornaments, a cord organizer, some stuffed animals and a 50 cent mousepad.)

Yesterday Matilda turned one. To celebrate, we opened a bottle of champagne with lunch (it took us till well after dinner to finish it). We sang Happy Birthday, a song I truly loathe, to Matilda no fewer than three times. Niclas gave her a slinky and a wind-up monkey. A stuffed cat. I let her nurse to sleep for a third, unscheduled nap as the poor kitten has ear infections again, still, requiring round 5 (I think) of antibiotics and a trip to the ear doctor on Tuesday.

Hanging in the ear doctor's waiting room was a shadow box labeled Foreign Objects Removed From Our Patients:

Turns out, we won't be having any foreign objects removed from our patient. We will be having foreign objects inserted into our patient. Matilda will be getting tubes in her ears, which is hardly a big deal and barely surgery. I'm not worried about it and am instead awaiting it with much excitement.

...Ok, that's a lie. I'm a little apprehensive about it as it IS surgery and she will be under general anesthesia. But it's not like they're going to do this to her, or rather, it's not like she's going to have to do this to herself:

(Niclas might have to do this to himself, however, but that's a ways and many conversations away.)

The doctor will make a microscopic incision in Matilda's ear drums and he'll insert very small tubes to drain the fluid that's been living behind them and causing the near-constant infections and making her feel crappy and in need of unscheduled third naps.

It was either this, give her antibiotics every day for the foreseeable future (no), or take her out of daycare (I wish). So! We have that to look forward to!

We've also got a birthday party coming up for her this weekend, so the baking 'round here is in full-swing. Yesterday I made two batches of chocolate cake and one batch of chocolate sauce. Here's Matilda wandering the house this morning with one of her baker's chocolate wrappers:

Later I'll post photos of her eating her cake(1) and ice cream after dinner(2) last night.

(1) Making the first batch of cake, I used the 1/2 cup measuring cup to dole out 2 cups of sugar because I was too lazy to find and/or wash the 1 cup measuring cup. And then I lost count and wasn't sure I added 4 1/2 cups to equal the 2 cups the recipe called for. So I added another 1/2 cup, in the form of 2 1/4 cup measuring cups as by that point the 1/2 cup measuring cup was wet with oil and I didn't want to wash it or stick it in the sugar canister as is. Turns out, I had added enough sugar the first time around and while the cake turned out ok, it was a little sunken with the weight of the extra sugar.

Clearly, I needed to re-do the whole thing. This left us with 4 9-inch round chocolate cakes, one of which we sacrificed as dessert and the other of which I froze along with the 2 correctly measured cake layers.

[...It's clear here that I am tired beyond the point of living, yes?]

(2) I'm sure this is a toddler phase and if I wasn't so tired as to be clinically dead, I'd look it up in one of our baby books or just Google it. But Matilda pretty much refuses to eat anything made for her.

Oatmeal pancakes with strawberries and butter? She throws them to the floor. My oatmeal and banana breakfast she will eat till it's gone and I am left hungry. Clementine sections broke in half and put on her high chair tray? Straight to the floor with comically loud sound effects. Niclas' breakfast of bread with pate? She'll eat an entire slice. But if I make her a second slice of bread with cheese, she'll whip her head around to ensure she uses the cheese as pomade and not as a source of nutrition.

She's also started refusing bottles. Purses her lips, arches her back. Strains to get away. And you know what? Fine. We were going to do away with the bottles soon enough anyway. WE CAN START TODAY, LITTLE LADY. YOU HANG UP THAT PHONE WHEN I'M TALKING TO YOU.

Matilda nursed until she was about a year and a half old. The end was mostly for comfort and only before naps and bedtime. And when she was sick. Or when we were home. Or if she saw me without a shirt on.

I finally cut her off for good when her nursing hurt me so much, because I was pregnant, my immediate reaction was to throw her across the room.

As soon as she stopped nursing, she got attached to Baby. Her Ninnie made it for her and she'd had it for months without more than a passing glance.

As soon as she noticed Baby, her clothes came off. Now, a year after baby was sewn up, she's a wet hot mess. Matilda dances with her, feeds her, puts her on the potty and to bed. Put purple marker eyeshadow on her last week. Talks about putting a diaper on her but won't follow through with it. Baby goes everywhere with Matilda.

I worry about the state of Baby. She's got silver glitter glue on one arm and something sticky on the other. She's got tahini on her back and juice all over her face. She's stuffed with wool so cleaning her is a spot job. I'm also starting to worry about Matilda's demands regarding Baby. Because Baby goes everywhere Matilda does, sometimes Matilda needs to hand her off so she can poke the cookie dough

or jump on her trampoline or draw or eat or any number of things. This is worrisome because she hands Baby to me, "hold Baby," and won't let me put her down. Twice today I had to shove Baby down the front of my already bulging shirt so I could finish making the cookies and start making the dinner.

I made Matilda a pouch for Baby and I'm hoping she picks up on that once she sees me carrying the new kid in my pouch as I'm just not prepared to carry a doll around along with a toddler and a newborn.

Baking for kids

I told Matilda last night before she fell asleep that we'd bake something today. After story-time at the library and a two hour nap, we cracked open the cookbooks to find a decent cookie to make. We found Marta's Chocolate Slices.

Preheat oven to 400 degrees. Grease a cookie sheet.
Combine and mix:

3/4 cup butter
1 cup sugar
2 cups flour
1/4 cup powdered cocoa
1 tsp. baking powder
1 1/2 tsp. vanilla
2 eggs

Divide dough into 6 pieces. Form into logs and flatten slightly. Place on cookie sheet. Brush with:

1 egg, beaten

Sprinkle top with pearl sugar. Bake on center rack for about 15 minutes. Cut into 3/4 inch wide diagonal slices while still warm.

These things are easy breezy. I'll be adding them to my baking rotation for sure.

(from Garlic and Sapphires)

Linnea is two weeks old today. Matilda's boyfriend Jack is coming over this afternoon after naps. We baked a cake.

2 sticks (1 cup) unsalted butter
1 cup sugar
3 large eggs
2 cups flour
1 tsp. baking soda
2 tsp. baking powder
1 tsp. salt
1 cup sour cream
2 tbsp. vanilla extract

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Butter and flour an angel food cake or a bundt cake pan.
Cream the butter and sugar until light and fluffy. Add the eggs, one at a time, blending well after each addition.
Mix the flour, baking soda, baking powder and salt together and add this to the butter mixture, mixing well. Add the sour cream and mix well; then mix in the vanilla. (The batter will be thick.)
Pour the batter into prepared cake pan and bake for 40 to 45 minutes, or until golden. Let cake rest for 5 minutes before turning it out of the pan.

Niclas' birthday is coming up. Matilda and I made a test cake today.

(From The Joy of Cooking, one edition past)

Preheat oven to 325. Using an 8-inch springform pan, rub two tablespoons of softened butter onto the bottom of the pan. Sprinkle with sugar and then with a handful of thinly sliced, lightly toasted almonds. Set aside.

Crumble into a large bowl:

7 to 8 ounces almond paste or marzipan

Add and beat until soft and well blended:

6 tbsp. unsalted butter

Gradually add and beat on high speed until lightened in color and texture, 2 to 3 minutes:

2/3 cup sugar

Whisk together, then gradually beat in, for a total of 3 minutes:

3 large eggs
1 tbsp. kirsch or brandy
1/4 tbsp. almond extract

Add in pinches to break up any lumps and beat in:

1/4 tsp. baking powder

Fold in with a spatula:

1/3 cup flour

Bake until a toothpick inserted into the center comes out clean. Let the cake cool before you remove the sides and flip it over.

Niclas is out of town today and is not returning until late tonight, so Matilda sang "Happy Birthday cake Papa," blew the candles out and ate two pieces without him.

Today is Niclas' birthday. Along with the cake his mother made (she's visiting), Matilda and I made some cupcakes.

(From latest edition of The Joy of Cooking)

Preheat oven to 350.

Beat in a medium bowl until smooth:

8 ounces of cream cheese
1/3 cup sugar

Add and beat until smooth:

1 large egg

Stir in:

1 cup chocolate chips

Set that bowl aside. In another bowl, whisk together thoroughly:

1 1/2 cups flour
1 cup sugar
1/4 cup cocoa powder
1 tsp. baking soda
1/2 tsp. salt

Add:

1 cup water
1/3 cup vegetable oil
1 tbsp. white vinegar
1 tsp. vanilla

Stir with a spatula just until smooth. Fill muffin cups about halfway full of the latter (chocolate) mixture. Place a heaping tablespoon of the cream cheese mixture in the center of each. Bake until a toothpick inserted into the cakey part of a cupcake comes out clean, 20 to 25 minutes.

Parenthood with a two-year old and a five-week old is like an on/off switch you have no control over. It's ON at 6am when the toddler starts barking orders -- "get up" "downstairs" "want to eat" -- and the baby realizes I'm no longer lying next to her. She wants to nurse and the toddler wants pancakes and then cereal and then yogurt. She drops two pieces of pancake on the floor, directly out of her mouth, won't touch the cereal as soon as I add milk and spills the entire container of yogurt down the leg of her chair and onto the rug. It's ON when I say shit and the toddler says shit. Shit shit shit and the baby is mad. Yelling from the swing because that was not in her plan. It's OFF when Niclas gets up and eats breakfast with the toddler who finally eats and the baby is satisfied and sleepy enough to lounge in her bouncy chair while I take a shower.

It's ON and both kids are screaming. The toddler needs pants but loses it if you try to take her crocs off to put the pants on and the newborn is really pissed that she's currently in the carseat and not being held and how dare you. It's OFF and the toddler is napping in her bed and the newborn is conked out in the swing and you've got two hands free and no one yelling at you. You have time to fold laundry. It's ON and they both wake up at the same time. They're both hungry. So are you. The toddler won't eat, just ask to eat. The baby will eat but she grunts if you walk around too much. She wants you to sit down, stop moving, knock it off already. The toddler wants you to get up. It's ON with a dimmer when the baby will nurse in the pouch and the toddler will help cook dinner.

It's OFF and the toddler is at daycare and the baby has been sleeping for three hours in her carseat. You have time to pin up a few more Taggies for all the friends about to have kids, more kids. We're populating the earth with all these kids and all these kids need Taggies.

It's ON and the toddler is home demanding to eat as she didn't eat at daycare and the baby is ready to nurse for four hours straight. An hour into that, the toddler needs a bath. She's recently decided she hates baths unless one of us gets in with her. If I get in with her, the baby screams in Niclas' arms because she was not done nursing. If Niclas gets in the bath, it's ON for him but I get to sit on the couch with the baby and then it's ON with a dimmer.

When it's OFF I think I can handle it. When it's ON I can't imagine how it is when it's OFF.

(No idea where this recipe came from. It's chock full of lemon flavor, though.)

Made it for Linnea's first party today.

CAKE:
1/2 pound unsalted butter at room temp
2 cups granulated sugar
4 extra large eggs at room temp
1/3 cup grated lemon zest (6 to 8 lemons)
3 cups all-purpose flour
1/2 teaspoon baking powder
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon kosher salt
1/4 cup freshly squeezed lemon juice
3/4 cup buttermilk
1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract

GLAZE:
2 cups confectioners' sugar, sifted
3 1/2 tablespoons freshly squeezed lemon juice

CAKE: Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Grease, flour and line bottom of two 8 1/2 x 4 1/4 x 2 1/2 inch loaf pans with parchment paper.

Cream butter and 2 cups granulated sugar in bowl of an electric mixer fitted with the paddle attachment, for about 5 minutes, or until light and fluffy. With mixer on medium, add eggs, one at a time, and lemon zest.

Sift together flour, baking powder, baking soda and salt in a bowl. In another bowl, combine 1/4 cup lemon juice, buttermilk and vanilla. Add flour and buttermilk mixtures alternately to the batter, beginning and ending with flour. Divide batter evenly between the pans, smooth the tops, and bake 45 minutes to 1 hour, until cake tester or toothpick comes out clean.

SYRUP: Combine 1/2 cup granulated sugar and 1/2 cup lemon juice in small saucepan; cook over low heat until sugar dissolves.

When cakes are done, let them cool for 10 minutes, then invert them onto a rack set over a tray, and spoon the lemon syrup over the cakes. Allow cakes to cool completely.

GLAZE: Combine the confectioners' sugar and lemon juice in a bowl, mixing with a wire whisk til smooth. Pour over top of cakes and allow glaze to drizzle down sides.

The last couple of weeks I've been going through all the cookbooks I own. The many I never use and the few I do. I've been making weekly menus and shopping lists because taking care of two kids is ruining my ability to remember where I put my chapstick or if I put a diaper on the kid I just changed or what I should cook for dinner.

Two kids was making the idea of one trip a week to the grocery store daunting, nevermind the three or four it actually was. The first few times I even contemplated it I ended up on the couch in a cold sweat instead. Where does one even put an infant and a toddler in one grocery cart and also have room for any groceries? What do you do when the toddler wants to run down the aisles and bolt around the corner clear out of sight and the infant is in the cart? How can one person be in two places at once? How does one make dinner when the toddler puts you on the spot? Every single night with the requests to eat. Every night! "Mama! Eat!" Every night with this dinner thing.

So I'm going through all my cookbooks. I'm shopping once a week. I threw away the cookbook that turned out three mediocre to bad meals, the last of which Matilda scraped off her tongue. A few new recipes have made it onto the list of things I'll make again.

Tonight's dinner was crap. Needed oyster sauce. Lucky for us, Matilda and I had put a cake in the oven before I started chopping leeks.

The cake was alright.

(Fom Cooking Light Magazine)

1 2/3 cup flour
1 1/2 cup sugar
3/4 cup Dutch process cocoa
1 1/2 tsp. baking powder
1/2 tsp. baking soda
1/2 tsp. salt
1 cup applesauce
1/2 cup plain soy milk
1/4 cup canola oil
1 cup sweetened dried cranberries
1/2 cup chopped walnuts, toasted

Preheat oven to 350. Mix dry ingredients in a bowl. Add the wet ingredients, the cranberries and nuts. Mix well. Pour into a greased 10-inch springform pan. Bake for 45 minutes or until edges begin to pull away from sides of pan. Cool and sprinkle powdered sugar on top.

Found this recipe online last week. I was hoping they'd replace the animal crackers we buy. Made a double batch this morning with Matilda helping from her usual spot on the island and Linnea nearly doubled over and snoring in the pouch. They were fun enough to make but they taste like pie crust. Pie crust by itself really isn't all that. I'm thinking the dough could stand a little vanilla.

1/2 cup oatmeal
2 tsp honey
1/4 to 1/8 tsp salt
3/4 cup flour
1/4 tsp baking soda
1/4 cup butter, softened
4 Tbsp buttermilk

Do not grease cookie sheet. Grind oatmeal in a blender until fine. Add honey, salt, flour and soda. Cut in butter. Add buttermilk.

Roll dough very thin; cut out with animal cookie cutters. Bake at 400 degrees (F) until brown, 10 to 12 minutes (we used small cookie cutters so I only baked them for 7 minutes).

Last week when it was winter Matilda and I made some playdoh. We used a recipe I found online. It was easy to make and Matilda enjoyed the part where we added the food coloring but once that was done and I was left to knead the colors in, she was pretty much over it. Which was kind of a drag because we had been making collages on paper bags previously and that mess was still all over the dining room while the playdoh mess was unfolding in the kitchen.

Playdoh

1 cup flour
1 cup boiling water
2 tbsp. cream of tartar
1/2 cup salt
1 tbsp. oil
Food coloring

Mix and knead together. This playdoh is not sticky and does not dry out.

(We find that corn starch mixed with a little water (and food coloring if you like to live on the edge) makes a much more interesting substance. Like sand down by the water at the beach.)

Today

Today Linnea is 11 weeks old. When she's not screaming to be held, by me, only me, she's a peach. Smiles like crazy, kicks her legs. Laughs, gurgles, grins, chews on her hands. Grabs the rings hanging from her baby gym. Didn't wake up last night until 3:30. Makes up for the screaming with cute but she does lose her everloving mind every night at Matilda's bath-time.

This morning Matilda picked up the cup dispenser from a bottle of cough medicine. She took it to the park and then the children's museum with us. Brought it back to the house and into bed for her nap. Set it next to her on the table while she made more paper bag collages after nap. She keeps calling it her cup of coffee. She does not need coffee to go to 11.

This afternoon we made a double-batch of banana bread. I messed with a low-fat recipe I (wait for it) found online. The original had 189 calories a slice. This version probably has more (original was all white flour and whole eggs while this is egg whites and a mix of flours, flax seed meal and wheat germ). Right before we headed into the kitchen to make this, I checked in on a blog I've been reading as of late only to find that she'd just made some healthier banana bread as well. Great minds and all that or something.

I'd recommend the following recipe even though I haven't tried it yet as Matilda has just eaten three slices. She's never eaten an entire slice of any quick bread before.

Low-Fat/No-Longer-Low-Calorie Banana Bread

4 egg whites
1 1/3 cups sugar
4 ripe bananas, mashed
1/2 cup applesauce
2/3 cup skim or 1% milk
2 tbsp. vegetable oil
1 1/2 tbsp. vanilla
1 1/2 cups white flour
1 1/2 cups whole wheat flour
1/4 cup flax seed meal
1/4 cup wheat germ
4 tsp. baking powder
1 tsp. baking soda
1 tsp. salt
2/3 cup chopped walnuts

Preheat oven to 325. Spray two bread pans with non-stick cooking spray.
In a large bowl, beat egg whites and sugar until light and fluffy.
Beat in bananas, applesauce, milk, oil and vanilla.
In a separate bowl, add flours, flax seed meal, wheat germ, baking powder, soda and salt.
Stir flour mixture into banana mixture until just blended.
Fold in walnuts.
Pour batter into brean pans. Bake until bread is golden and a toothpick comes out clean, about 1 hour.

Me too

In running news no one cares about but me, I'm pretty comfortable saying I'm back up to 20 miles a week. Hit the 100 mark three weeks ago. Got new running shoes. Am considering a 10k this Sunday for the beer and party at the end even though I haven't run that distance postpartum yet. I know I can. I also know I wouldn't be racing.

I'm down one more pound. Losing weight at a reasonable rate is bullshit.

Having a sweet tooth is a new thing for me. Used to be, I went for the salt. Sugar was nice but I never ordered dessert. If I had cake I'd cut the frosting off. I'd eat a brownie but wash it down with pretzels and then the salt in the bottom of the bag once the pretzels were gone. I put salt on my pizza and salt in everything I cooked. I had me a love affair with sodium. Then I got pregnant with Matilda and the whoopie pies started looking real good. I was wrapping up lunch with giant m&m cookies. Burgers out were followed by ice cream or a brownie or a brownie with ice cream on top.

Since I was already eating the sugar, I decided to finally get a KitchenAid. I'd put one on our wedding registry, just like everyone else, but we didn't get it. I'd been dreaming of a KitchenAid for as long as I can remember but I didn't bake so it seemed a waste. But then! Pregnant! Gleefully shoving cookies into my pie hole hand over fist. So I bought a KitchenAid and started baking in earnest. Cookies and brownies and a lot of cakes. Marzipan tortes and ginger cakes. Carrot layer cakes and vanilla bundt cakes. For Matilda's first birthday I tested 4 chocolate cake recipes before settling on an old standard.

The sweet tooth has quieted down a little since my pregnancy with Matilda but the baking bug is so far up my ass I don't know how to get through a week without baking something. I bake a cake anytime someone threatens to come over. Matilda gets up from a nap? Time to make cookies! Going to the grocery store? Hey! I'll buy some raspberry extract for no good reason. I'm sure I can think up something to bake with it. Playdate? Let's make a cake! Rainy Tuesday afteroon? Great! Cupcakes!

It's a problem. It's a problem because I lack the ability to control my intake. If there's a bundt cake sitting in my kitchen, I eat it. I eat it all up yum. It's a problem because I'm trying to lose weight and at my current rate of loss, I won't fit into my pants until Thanksgiving. I need to stop baking because the baby weight is depressing me and the vanilla cupcakes with raspberry glaze are not helping (and the glaze wasn't even that great).

So today is day one of my Bake Off. Baking is off. No more baking. Internet, it's up to you to keep me accountable.

Now I need to go cultivate my sewing obsession.

We've been parents for over two years now. We've got two kids in diapers. We own two courier bags, one huge and hugely preppie tote bag, one too-narrow homemade tote bag and a hard-sided too-small Baby Bjorn diaper bag. I tend to throw a few diapers, some wipes and zip-lock baggies of snacks into my handbag as often as possible as I hate all our diaper/non-dipaer bags.

On Monday, I had to lie Linnea on paper towels and change her diaper on the concrete floor of the bathroom in the children's room at the library. I've found my next sewing project. Changing pads. Maybe if I start from the inside out, I'll finally get around to making the diaper bag of my dreams.

Like my bag-making, changing pads are turning out to be a lot like cookies (can't eat just one, can't make just one). I made the first pad yesterday during naps.

I wanted it as small as possible so I could carry it in my handbag. I sewed two layers of flannel into the middle so it's fairly absorbent, but all the layers means it's also fairly thick and since Linnea is already nearly hanging off of it, it's not making the cut. (Not for my bag, but we'll use it at home where we only need something under her bum and not under her head.)

I made the second one last night after both kids were tucked into bed. Matilda in hers, Linnea wedged into the Boppy Pillow on ours.

It's cotton on one side and fleece on the other like the first but this one doesn't have a flannel center. It's also wider and longer, so the tie is on the side. You fold it in half the long way and then roll it up. Next I need to sew up a little pouch for the diapers, wipes, snacks and pad. Right after I sit around and deposit my brains into kleenex today.

It's been two weeks since I've had grandparental back-up. My folks went to India for a wedding. I know right? I've also been fighting Matilda's cold for two weeks. The cold finally won yesterday. My folks returned last night. My mother will be here in an hour or so. I might shower today but only because she'll be here to kid-wrangle.

Forgive me internet for I have sinned. Since I started the Bake Off I've baked twice.

Yesterday I helped my mother and Matilda make a batch of icebox cookies. They only got as far as the freezer here - my mother took the dough home to finish - but I did slice and bake four thin nibbles for Matilda's dessert.

This morning Matilda and I made a chocolate cake so we wouldn't arrive to a Babysitting Round Robin we were crashing empty-handed. Matilda sat at the dining room table for 40 minutes while the cake baked and cooled and I showered and dressed. Sat and waited to "eat the happy birthday cake." Yelled up the stairs about the happy birthday cake. "Mama! Happy Birthday cake! Happy Birthday cake! MAMA!! Want to eat the Happy Birthday cake!"

Black Magic

This recipe is from my friend Shannon. It's easier than a boxed cake mix and a hundred times better. I top it off with either powdered sugar or a chocolate or vanilla glaze.

1 3/4 cups flour
2 cups sugar
3/4 cup powdered cocoa
2 tsp. baking soda
1 tsp. baking powder
1 tsp. salt
2 eggs
1 cup hot coffee
1 cup sour milk (1 cup milk 1 tbsp. white vinegar)
1/2 cup oil
1 tsp. vanilla

Mix all dry ingredients together. Add oil, coffee, milk, eggs and vanilla. Beat two minutes and pour into a greased and floured bundt pan. Bake for 35 minutes at 350 degress.

Our nightlife has been pretty quiet the last three years. I've spent them pregnant and/or nursing which hasn't left much room for cocktails. I replaced the sugar in alcohol with the sugar in cake and the martini shaker with the KitchenAid.

I'm still nursing round the clock but looking forward to swapping out the cake for a drink sometime in the future. Saturday night we had a bunch of folks over for what turned out to be a rather rocking toddler party with shots and baked goods.

Chocolate Zucchini Cake

2 1/2 cups regular all-purpose flour, unsifted
1/2 cup cocoa
2 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
1 1/2 teaspoons baking soda
1 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon cinnamon
3/4 cup soft butter
2 cups sugar
3 eggs
2 teaspoons vanilla
2 teaspoons grated orange peel
2 cups coarsely shredded zucchini
1/2 cup milk
1 cup chopped walnuts or pecans
Glaze (directions follow)

Preheat the oven to 350°F.
1 Combine the four, cocoa, baking powder, soda, salt, and cinnamon; set aside.
2 With a mixer, beat together the butter and the sugar until they are smoothly blended. Add the eggs to the butter and sugar mixture one at a time, beating well after each addition. With a spoon, stir in the vanilla, orange peel, and zucchini.
3 Alternately stir the dry ingredients and the milk into the zucchini mixture, including the nuts with the last addition.
4 Pour the batter into a greased and flour-dusted 10-inch tube pan or bundt pan. Bake in the oven for about 50 minutes (test at 45 minutes!) or until a wooden pick inserted in the center comes out clean. Cool in pan 15 minutes; turn out on wire rack to cool thoroughly.
5 Drizzle glaze over cake.
Glaze: Mix together 2 cups powdered sugar, 3 Tablespoons milk, and 1 teaspoon vanilla. Beat until smooth.

Grandma Babe's Lemon Knots

Ingredients
Cookies:
1/2 cup granulated sugar
6 tablespoons butter, softened
1 tablespoon finely grated lemon rind
1/4 cup fresh lemon juice
2 large eggs
3 cups flour (about 13 1/2 ounces)
2 teaspoons baking powder
1/4 teaspoon salt
Cooking spray

Glaze:
2 cups powdered sugar
3 tablespoons fresh lemon juice
1 tablespoon low-fat buttermilk

Preheat oven to 375°.
To prepare cookies, place granulated sugar and butter in a large bowl; beat with a mixer at medium speed 3 minutes or until light and fluffy. Beat in rind and 1/4 cup juice. Add eggs, 1 at a time, beating well after each addition (mixture will look curdled).

To prepare glaze, combine powdered sugar, 3 tablespoons juice, and buttermilk; stir until smooth. Dip tops of cookies into glaze; dry on racks.

Hey so have I told you all about my green smoothies? A few months ago, when I stopped eating sugar and flirted with a raw food diet (I love coffee too much to do more than that) I discovered the green smoothies. They, the raw foodists, say that you can't taste greens -- spinach, kale, lettuce -- in a fruit smoothie. Sounds impossible but it's true.

I'm no longer eating the majority of my food raw. I kind of wish I was, though, because the raw diet is certainly higher in fruits and vegetables and I hate to admit it but it does make you feel better. It also appears that you really can eat all you want and not puff up like a marshmallow...I'm talking myself into it again, right now, because I feel horrible and big with my current we're-all-sick diet of pizza and chocolate icebox cookies. Sure the sore throat and stuffy nose are not helping, but really I'm in a bad place with my current eating habits. Guess the Margaret Cho Fuck It diet hasn't really sunk in. (WHY are so many women so messed up about food? Why. It's heartbreaking and I hate it. I need another cookie.)

Anyway! Green smoothies. I'm back to cooking my carrots but I've kept up the green smoothies for breakfast because I like them. Weird, huh.

Green Smoothie

a banana
big handful of baby spinach
one lime, quartered and peeled
couple of sprigs of fresh mint
three slices of fresh ginger
handful of either mango or pineapple (I use the latter when I can and frozen mango when I run out.)

Toss it all into a blender, fill about halfway with water and blend for a good couple of minutes.