Atomic Tonic

I should look back in my archives to see what Matilda was like at one week old. I should but I lack disipline and I'm fairly confident that my memory is correct. I'm fairly certain that at one week, Matilda was already putting her lungs to the test. And our patience. She screamed in the living room and the dining room. She screamed in our bedroom and hers. She screamed in the car. She screamed in the Snap-n-Go. She screamed. Even her pediatrician called her high maintenance. She kept us tap-dancing for months. I'm not surprised we tried for a second seeing as we went into number one knowing there would be a number two.

But.

Girlfriend was rough.

Linnea is easy like a Sunday morning. True, she's only a week old and the hight of crank doesn't hit until week six so she's got some time to redeem herself. But right now, she nurses. She poops, forcibly. She waves her hands in the air around her face. She checks out her surroundings -- she seems especially interested in her room -- and she sleeps. She sleeps through a lot. She sleeps through our showers and breakfasts and the sound of the coffee grinder. She sleeps through laundry and sewing projects.

She sleeps through the phone ringing and Matilda jumping. She sleeps through the majority of the sisterly kisses and the tantrums. And she sleeps through pancakes.

I can really only count on her to wake up when Matilda falls asleep.

Parenthood with a two-year old and a five-week old is like an on/off switch you have no control over. It's ON at 6am when the toddler starts barking orders -- "get up" "downstairs" "want to eat" -- and the baby realizes I'm no longer lying next to her. She wants to nurse and the toddler wants pancakes and then cereal and then yogurt. She drops two pieces of pancake on the floor, directly out of her mouth, won't touch the cereal as soon as I add milk and spills the entire container of yogurt down the leg of her chair and onto the rug. It's ON when I say shit and the toddler says shit. Shit shit shit and the baby is mad. Yelling from the swing because that was not in her plan. It's OFF when Niclas gets up and eats breakfast with the toddler who finally eats and the baby is satisfied and sleepy enough to lounge in her bouncy chair while I take a shower.

It's ON and both kids are screaming. The toddler needs pants but loses it if you try to take her crocs off to put the pants on and the newborn is really pissed that she's currently in the carseat and not being held and how dare you. It's OFF and the toddler is napping in her bed and the newborn is conked out in the swing and you've got two hands free and no one yelling at you. You have time to fold laundry. It's ON and they both wake up at the same time. They're both hungry. So are you. The toddler won't eat, just ask to eat. The baby will eat but she grunts if you walk around too much. She wants you to sit down, stop moving, knock it off already. The toddler wants you to get up. It's ON with a dimmer when the baby will nurse in the pouch and the toddler will help cook dinner.

It's OFF and the toddler is at daycare and the baby has been sleeping for three hours in her carseat. You have time to pin up a few more Taggies for all the friends about to have kids, more kids. We're populating the earth with all these kids and all these kids need Taggies.

It's ON and the toddler is home demanding to eat as she didn't eat at daycare and the baby is ready to nurse for four hours straight. An hour into that, the toddler needs a bath. She's recently decided she hates baths unless one of us gets in with her. If I get in with her, the baby screams in Niclas' arms because she was not done nursing. If Niclas gets in the bath, it's ON for him but I get to sit on the couch with the baby and then it's ON with a dimmer.

When it's OFF I think I can handle it. When it's ON I can't imagine how it is when it's OFF.

Last week when it was winter Matilda and I made some playdoh. We used a recipe I found online. It was easy to make and Matilda enjoyed the part where we added the food coloring but once that was done and I was left to knead the colors in, she was pretty much over it. Which was kind of a drag because we had been making collages on paper bags previously and that mess was still all over the dining room while the playdoh mess was unfolding in the kitchen.

Playdoh

1 cup flour
1 cup boiling water
2 tbsp. cream of tartar
1/2 cup salt
1 tbsp. oil
Food coloring

Mix and knead together. This playdoh is not sticky and does not dry out.

(We find that corn starch mixed with a little water (and food coloring if you like to live on the edge) makes a much more interesting substance. Like sand down by the water at the beach.)

Today

Today Linnea is 11 weeks old. When she's not screaming to be held, by me, only me, she's a peach. Smiles like crazy, kicks her legs. Laughs, gurgles, grins, chews on her hands. Grabs the rings hanging from her baby gym. Didn't wake up last night until 3:30. Makes up for the screaming with cute but she does lose her everloving mind every night at Matilda's bath-time.

This morning Matilda picked up the cup dispenser from a bottle of cough medicine. She took it to the park and then the children's museum with us. Brought it back to the house and into bed for her nap. Set it next to her on the table while she made more paper bag collages after nap. She keeps calling it her cup of coffee. She does not need coffee to go to 11.

This afternoon we made a double-batch of banana bread. I messed with a low-fat recipe I (wait for it) found online. The original had 189 calories a slice. This version probably has more (original was all white flour and whole eggs while this is egg whites and a mix of flours, flax seed meal and wheat germ). Right before we headed into the kitchen to make this, I checked in on a blog I've been reading as of late only to find that she'd just made some healthier banana bread as well. Great minds and all that or something.

I'd recommend the following recipe even though I haven't tried it yet as Matilda has just eaten three slices. She's never eaten an entire slice of any quick bread before.

Low-Fat/No-Longer-Low-Calorie Banana Bread

4 egg whites
1 1/3 cups sugar
4 ripe bananas, mashed
1/2 cup applesauce
2/3 cup skim or 1% milk
2 tbsp. vegetable oil
1 1/2 tbsp. vanilla
1 1/2 cups white flour
1 1/2 cups whole wheat flour
1/4 cup flax seed meal
1/4 cup wheat germ
4 tsp. baking powder
1 tsp. baking soda
1 tsp. salt
2/3 cup chopped walnuts

Preheat oven to 325. Spray two bread pans with non-stick cooking spray.
In a large bowl, beat egg whites and sugar until light and fluffy.
Beat in bananas, applesauce, milk, oil and vanilla.
In a separate bowl, add flours, flax seed meal, wheat germ, baking powder, soda and salt.
Stir flour mixture into banana mixture until just blended.
Fold in walnuts.
Pour batter into brean pans. Bake until bread is golden and a toothpick comes out clean, about 1 hour.

Me too

In running news no one cares about but me, I'm pretty comfortable saying I'm back up to 20 miles a week. Hit the 100 mark three weeks ago. Got new running shoes. Am considering a 10k this Sunday for the beer and party at the end even though I haven't run that distance postpartum yet. I know I can. I also know I wouldn't be racing.

I'm down one more pound. Losing weight at a reasonable rate is bullshit.

We've been parents for over two years now. We've got two kids in diapers. We own two courier bags, one huge and hugely preppie tote bag, one too-narrow homemade tote bag and a hard-sided too-small Baby Bjorn diaper bag. I tend to throw a few diapers, some wipes and zip-lock baggies of snacks into my handbag as often as possible as I hate all our diaper/non-dipaer bags.

On Monday, I had to lie Linnea on paper towels and change her diaper on the concrete floor of the bathroom in the children's room at the library. I've found my next sewing project. Changing pads. Maybe if I start from the inside out, I'll finally get around to making the diaper bag of my dreams.

Like my bag-making, changing pads are turning out to be a lot like cookies (can't eat just one, can't make just one). I made the first pad yesterday during naps.

I wanted it as small as possible so I could carry it in my handbag. I sewed two layers of flannel into the middle so it's fairly absorbent, but all the layers means it's also fairly thick and since Linnea is already nearly hanging off of it, it's not making the cut. (Not for my bag, but we'll use it at home where we only need something under her bum and not under her head.)

I made the second one last night after both kids were tucked into bed. Matilda in hers, Linnea wedged into the Boppy Pillow on ours.

It's cotton on one side and fleece on the other like the first but this one doesn't have a flannel center. It's also wider and longer, so the tie is on the side. You fold it in half the long way and then roll it up. Next I need to sew up a little pouch for the diapers, wipes, snacks and pad. Right after I sit around and deposit my brains into kleenex today.

It's been two weeks since I've had grandparental back-up. My folks went to India for a wedding. I know right? I've also been fighting Matilda's cold for two weeks. The cold finally won yesterday. My folks returned last night. My mother will be here in an hour or so. I might shower today but only because she'll be here to kid-wrangle.